Why Is It So Hard For Trans People To Find A Respectful Hookup Online?

Why Is It So Hard For Trans People To Find A Respectful Hookup Online?

Despite trying several times now, we have never successfully solicited a threesome or casual sex experience through Lex

When my partner and I decided we wanted to seek out casual sex partners, we were hopeful. On a trip to Los Angeles, feeling frisky, free and full of vacation vibes, we put up an ad on Lex, a text-based platform for queer people of all genders besides cis men.

The post, creatively titled “Vacation Hookup” and posted by my partner, read: “Come fuck my boy while I watch and maybe give you tips. T4T only.” We had tried a similar post when we were home in Boston and had no luck, so we hoped a change of scenery would help.

We got plenty of messages, but none were even close to what we were looking for. Most of them were young, under the age of 24. Both of us are in our mid- to late-30s, which made sex with someone who was practically a teenager unappealing. Several seemed more interested in riding my partner than fucking me. And then there was the one cishet man who didn’t seem to know where he was.

Lex, which started as a platform for queer dating and sex reminiscent of lesbian personal ads, just stripped the sex from its branding in a way many people find very problematic

In theory, there are plenty of apps where queer people can seek casual sexual connections. And while people of all genders have unsuccessful or upsetting experiences on those apps, trans people seem to struggle the most. As a trans person navigating these hookup apps, it too often feels like I’m making do with an app that wasn’t created for people like me in mind. Continue reading